I must have read about a million post sharing their round up of 2014 and goal/resolutions for 2015 (I'm not adverse to a little exaggeration, but it was a lot!). I've caught up with old friends who have had an amazing year and they've shared their plans and aspirations for the next. This all makes you reflective. It was you look back at the year you've had and how you may want to improve with another year.
And to be quite honest the future terrifies me. How I'm supposed to know what I want to be doing in the future, I will never know. It made me feel that my future wasn't quite as good as those other people I'd been reading about or talking to. I've talked on the blog before about how a couple of months ago I lost my mojo. I lost confidence in being able to do the things I've always loved to do. I felt like I had no idea how to coach anymore. I was boring and useless. And then I got ill and the odds just compounded. The confidence got knocked out of me and I had no idea how I was going to get it back, but I knew a rest was in order. So I've spent most of my 2 weeks off snuggled in my dressing gown doing not a lot.
So despite a whole lot of rest, nothing has been achieved. This culminated in crying on New Years Eve while eating a whole pack of chocolate fingers with my Mum. I still don't know how I'll going to retrieve my illusive mojo and be confident in my own abilities again. I feel like some of the plans I have for 2015, although exciting, may be beyond what I'm capable of and that scares me. And there again I feel like the things I am doing are not up to the standards of what I should be doing.
Now this post is not all going to be doom and gloom. I decided that the best thing to do was list some of the things I am proud of from 2014 and tentatively try to add confidence into my 2015:
- My first steps into a stronger, healthier me. I've been working on strength and conditioning work now for a couple of months. Do I do it everyday? Have I ever stepped into a gym? The answer is no to both of these questions. However I am taking it at my pace and I am starting to be able to feel the differences. I can hold positions for longer and it's starting to help my sport.
- Becoming a county coach again. This one is a minefield of not knowing if I'm good enough and not wanting to let the players down, but I am so proud to have been asked to do this again. Honoured to be able to help develop the players further. I'm also massively proud of the summer I had coaching all of my players. The enjoyment and progress was enough to bring a tear to my eye, because I'm soppy like that!
- Making it to 50 followers on Bloglovin. 53 to be precise. Now for someone who has been blogging for nearly 2 years this probably isn't that many, but I promise you I am grateful for every single one of you who read this blog or even give a cheeky follow. Thank you!
- Changing jobs. Around Easter time I made the big decision to leave one job and join another smaller company, but were I would have more responsibility and better working conditions. It was hard as I left many friends and a company that had given me great experience. However I do really enjoy my job even though it has been hard to gain motivation recently.
So I honestly don't know how I'm going to find me mojo and bring confidence into my life, but I know it'll be a funny little road that I'm prepared to walk slowly in order to get there.