Monday, 22 May 2017
Weekend on My Own
Years ago I wrote myself a bucket list. I probably still have the scraps of paper somewhere at home. It had lots of conventional things on there. Places to travel and experiences to have. But I had taken the time to think more personally. One of the big things I wanted to do was to spend a portion of life living on my own.
Now I'm not an anti social person. I have a wide circle of friends from different groups and walks of life. I love spending time with them, but living feels different. I like to have my space. To feel in control of my environment, but also to recharge. However, it always worries me that I will be lonely.
This weekend I got a taste of what it might be like. With one flatmate at home and the other away working, I had the flat to myself. I was worried that I would rattle around, not knowing what to do with myself. That I would feel the need for contact with someone as I spent so much time on my own.
What happened was completely different. I felt myself more proactive than ever before. I eagerly sought out experiences that I wanted to do. I didn't have to think about what everyone else wanted to do. Although this comes across maybe selfishly, it was nice to put myself first. I contacted friends and asked if they wanted to hang out. I took myself out for a walk just because. I plucked up the courage to join a bloggers' brunch. I spend ages browsing bookshops.
Because I had time. Acres of the stuff and no agenda. I could meander through the weekend with no pressure of time. I felt myself breathing deeper and relaxing.
I swapped our lazy house days for being active and getting outside. Instead of still being in bed at lunchtime I woke early every morning to fit more into the day and felt myself sink into bed early. Tired, but happy. Wanting to go to sleep ready for the next day.
And there were little things too. The way that I could play feel-good music nice and loud as I got ready early in the morning without waking anyone. The fact that I could dance around the kitchen as I cooked my tea. And sing at the top of my voice in the longest shower without anyone telling me to hurry up. And make my washing into a den and sit a read my book there. Or just leave my shopping all over the kitchen floor whilst I drank ice cold milk in an attempt to cool down.
By myself I became more spontaneous. I sought out the opportunities that I wanted. I may have booked myself a little adventure.
I was also self sufficient. Those mugs in the sink that I'd been leaving for ages because someone else might wash them became my problem. I made sure everything was clean and put back when I'd finished with them. Pockets of time were used getting on top of things - my washing, paperwork and planning. When my flatmates arrived home that was the first thing they noticed - that everything was tidy.
Living alone is definitely something I want to do, this experience has confirmed that. I felt happier and more energised to choose things that make me happy.